she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
