last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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