I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Man, jail baloney is awful.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
