He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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