Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
