I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I wear drunk well.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
