CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
