I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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