At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
