32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
