OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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