I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
