had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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