I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
