a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
