My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
