u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
