New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
