Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
i think my cat just said my name.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
