i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
