He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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