I want to walk on stilts...naked
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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