anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
