I want to stick my p in your. b.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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