I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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