I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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