Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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