he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So many bounce houses so little time
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
