sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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