4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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