I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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