And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
