You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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