did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
