This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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