does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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