I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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