he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
