My friends, they love my intelligence
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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