I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
