I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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