I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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