are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
