I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
