32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
