and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
