Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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