have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
