I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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