He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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