Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm too high and old for this...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
