i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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