I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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