ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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