You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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