Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
