Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
