dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I still have a little drunk in my system
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
