Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
