im drinking this country out of the recession.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
