he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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