There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
