Ketchup is God's man juice
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
