his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
