i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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