Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
