You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
one might say we're banned from that church
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
