Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
